I watch some of the soaps. Now, really and truly, it's not necessarily through choice, unless the choice is to "get out of the front room and sit somewhere else in the house between 6.30pm - 9pm every weeknight". In other words, it's the missus who watches the soaps, and although I can enjoy occasional moments of Corrie and Emmerdale, and - to be honest - Hollyoaks, I don't miss them when I don't watch them. I can never remember the character names, for one, so I'm reduced to referring to them by generic descriptions of what they look like and what their main character traits / problems are. For example, this evening, the missus asked me what had happened in Hollyoaks while she was out of the room. All I could reply with was
"pretty girl has had an argument with the dark haired girl with AIDS". Because that's how I know them, not really paying much attention to the programme. (I was then told that the characters I was referring to were Sasha and Mercedes.)
Which leads me to a random posting this evening: my favourite soap opera characters. Not necessarily my favourite LOOKING soap opera characters, becaause at least eight out of ten would be from Hollyoaks (the only soap you can watch with the sound off and still appreciate), but my favourite CHARACTERS.
* MAX AND TANYA BRANNING from Eastenders
Fantastic characters. Ignore the murder plots, and the burying alive, but think of the great acting. I'm being serious. They are possibly the best actors in Eastenders, which I suppose is like saying that Eminem is the best white rapper in 8 Mile, but you know what I mean.
* WILMOTT-BROWN from Eastenders in the 80s
A truly hissable baddie. And I loved watching the moment when Dirty Den pinned him up against a wall by his throat after Wilmott-Brown had raped Kathy. Great stuff.
* PADDY from Emmerdale
A likeable, bumbling oaf. That's how silly characters SHOULD be - well-acted, understated and realistic. When he recently split up with dark-haired-not-very-attractive Dingle? He was excellent.
* STEVE from Corrie
Because of his permanent shark-like facial expression. Look at the poster for Jaws, with the shark emerging from the depths to eat a bather. That's what Steve looks like ALL THE TIME, but with added breathing out for emphasis.
* MARLON from Emmerdale
The opposite of Paddy. Overplayed, stupid, and mugging to camera. But somehow it works. I don't know how. Marlon looks like he should be accompanied at all times by a cartoon bubble over his head showing some kind of mental image of what's going on in his mind.
* DEV from Corrie
Dev is amazing. That's it. His constant tics, flamboyant gestures (as demonstrated countless times on Harry Hill), mannered performance-style and weird little noises make his turns for camera absolutely hilarious.
* STACEY SLATER from Eastenders
What an amazing actress. I mean, wow. She's astonishing.
Which leads me neatly on to the soap characters that I like / used to like watching just for the sake of how pretty they were. These are / were female characters. Here are a couple.
IZZY from Hollyoaks
LISA HUNTER from Hollyoaks
SASHA from Hollyoaks